I used to think that worrying helped me avoid bad things, prevent problems, prepare me for the worst, or lead me to solutions. I told myself that if I kept worrying about a problem long enough, I would eventually be able to figure it out. In fact, I was even sure that worrying was the responsible thing to do, a way to ensure I didn’t overlook something or get something wrong.
In short, I believed that worrying and dwelling in anxious thoughts served a positive purpose, and it certainly made me feel better in the short term because it made me feel like I was doing something about whatever it was I was worried about - especially when I felt powerless over that thing, in that moment.
The problem is that constant worrying or anxious thoughts can take a heavy toll physically and mentally. They can keep us up at night and make us tense and edgy during the day. Which is never great for our friends or loved ones (as my family members will all attest to!) but especially ourselves.
Worrying can affect the body in ways that may surprise you. When worrying becomes excessive, it can lead to feelings of high anxiety and even cause you to be physically ill.
- WebMD
I know when I am in that space, I hate the way I end up treating others. I don’t mean to be distracted and not be present with them, to be snappy and irritable or blow up at the smallest things. But it’s like the little worry monster in my brain has been activated and taken over. Plus, worrying can be quite addictive in nature and so it can still be so difficult to stop.
The good news, however, is that once you realize that worrying is the problem, not the solution, you absolutely can regain control and face life’s every day (and not-so-everyday) challenges with calm, assurance and a sense of staying grounded. It is a complete choice.
So here are my top 5 tips for becoming a smarter worrier
1) Accept the Things You Cannot Change
Sometimes doing absolutely nothing is the right course of action at that moment and acknowledging that there is nothing that can be done right then and there can, paradoxically, feel quite freeing.
Resolve to keep your eyes and ears open to see if any possible solutions present themselves in the future, and to think about this again, perhaps, the next day at that same time. Then choose to free your mind and go and do something else. Just for that moment or the rest of that day.
2) Have a Problem-Solving Session
Identify what you’re worried about. Instead of feeling generalized worry, you want to be able to pinpoint exactly what it is that you’re worried about. That is, define the problem that you’re having as clearly as possible. Once you’ve identified what’s worrying you, write it down.
Think of how to solve the problem. You might come up with a complete solution or, as is more often the case, simply an idea for a next step. That’s ok - write all possibilities down.
Then take action. Whatever you decided to do in the previous step, do it. Once you have a plan and you start acting to solve the problem, you’ll feel much better. Remember: worry sits on the fence. Jump off the fence and get to work fixing the problem that’s worrying you.
3) Practice Realistic Thinking
Sometimes worry is caused–or at least exacerbated–by the way in which you’re thinking about a problem. You want to make sure that you’re thinking realistically about whatever it is that’s worrying you.
Are you overestimating the probability that something bad will happen? What might you say to a friend who was worried about this? What’s a more balanced way to think about this?
After thinking realistically about whatever it is that’s worrying you, you may conclude that it’s not really worth worrying about after all or is not as big a problem as your mind is making out.
4) Interrupt the Worry Thoughts
If you have looked at your worries, identified what can and cannot be changed or acted upon then you need to move your mind on from these thoughts. If you don’t you will only burn yourself out.
In these moments it is time to get up and get moving. Exercise is a natural and effective anti-anxiety treatment because it releases endorphins which relieve tension and stress, boost energy, and enhance your sense of well-being.
Equally meditation, controlled breathing or practising mindfulness are all proven to be incredibly helpful at calming our restless minds through bringing us back to the present moment and helping us remember the bigger picture. Some people make gratitude lists as ways to remind themselves of all the things they do not need to worry about.
Taking action here is what is important often, rather than what you choose to do.
5) Don’t Keep It All Inside
You have surely heard the phrase ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’. Keeping worries to yourself only causes them to build up until they seem overwhelming. But saying them out loud can often help you to make sense of what you’re feeling and put things in perspective.
I often find that it is only when I speak about issues out loud to another person that they seem much less severe than they did before - often they even fizzle out completely!
I have found that having in mind a few key people to go to can be very helpful - it is not always healthy to only rely on one person as our go-to in times of strife. Different people will be able to give different perspectives, energy, or time to listen to you.
But do remember to be intelligent about who to turn to. Think about how long someone may have known you. Can they be objective and not take anything you are worrying about personally to themselves? Do you admire how they handle challenging situations? These are good reasons to choose them.
To Sum It Up…
To conclude, worry and anxiety are not as helpful to us as they may seem. There is nothing wrong with realistically identifying a problem or issue. What is not ok is to dwell in a never-ending spiral in our minds, trying to find a way out simply by ‘thinking hard enough.
Instead, we all have the power to choose a different way of dealing with life’s ups and downs, through pragmatic actions which will help us stay grounded, calm and much more self-assured.