Wow this is a Biggy today!
It really is hard sometimes to refocus when things go wrong in life, but this practise is truly amazing for our mental health if we can just try it.
Something I love is telling story’s so here goes!
Last week I went to Health Spa to do a regular talk with my guest, after an amazing time we got in the car to go home and the car would not start.
As you can imagine it was an awful moment, so many negative thoughts flooded my mind, how long will it take to fix? How much will it cost? How will I get home? The negative thoughts just kept coming and I was starting to really feel depressed.
I stopped for a moment, took a deep breath and and allowed myself to practice the three A’s. ( something I created to help me in any tough situation)
1.Acknowledge how I felt ( angry, sad and frustrated)
2.Accept how I felt. (In the moment honouring my feelings without judgement)
3.Action, what can I do about the situation?
First things first also come to mind, so I called the AA and then I started to really shift the negative thoughts to positive ones and just kept focussing on those.
It is not an easy practice, but I promise it gets easier the more you do it!
The reality is life stuff happens and having a more open mind and flipping as soon as you can really does make you feel better!
Yes it was a pain and it took 5 hours to sort, but breaking down at a health spa was not the worst place to be.
Yes it cost 150 pounds but thank god I had got that money.
Yes it delayed me and shortened my day ,but I got home safely and was able to still have a nice evening with my husband and friends who came for dinner.
The gratitude started to really pour out and I have even been able to write this Blog to encourage others.
Remember we do have a choice about what we focus on and if I choose the focus on the negative I feel crap and so does everyone around me.
If I choose to focus on the positive more solutions seem to come and I get over it all way quicker, plus my health both mental and physical is less impacted.
Today could be the day you start this practise so give it a try and notice the difference.
I once heard a hard-hitting statement that said.
IF we don’t MAKE time for our Health, we will have to MAKE time for our illness.
I do love a great thought-provoking question, most people know the importance of self-care and the obvious benefits so why do people often get burned out? put their family’s or friends above their one needs? put their work first and self-care somehow falls to the bottom of the list?
No one (generally) when looking back on their life in their last moments here would say, ‘I should have spent more time in the office’
The real truth is about self-care is when we practice it EVERYONE benefits!
A recent study on NHS England states ‘self-care reduces heart disease, stroke and cancer’
Self-care means taking the time to do things that help you live well and improve both your physical health and mental health. When it comes to your mental health, self-care can help you manage stress, lower your risk of illness, and increase your energy.
So why are many health related diseases on the rise, in particular mental health ?
I guess that’s the million dollar question but the truth is there are many reasons why ( or some might say excuses) why we say we can’t put our health first and these need to be addressed.
Lack of time
Lack of energy or motivation
Lack of money
Lack of support
Lack of desire
Procrastination
As a health Coach, I work with people in a respectful loving non-judgemental way so if you feel you are really ready to practice self-care but don’t know where to start, talk to someone who could support you ( that may be a doctor, a friend or partner) . Write down what you really want and look at the above questions and find ways around them.
I also know when people really want to make changes, they are able to make the time and take responsibility for their own health.
My suggestion is always to do small actions and tiny steps in the right direction.
And finally to know you really are WORTH IT x
I am loving this theme of ‘what I have learned this week’ and I had a great example of taking responsibility for my reactions.
I am one of those people who is a stickler for time management, I LOVE being on time and am very rarely late.
This week my husband and I were travelling to Champneys, Forest Mere Health Spa for a speaker date I regularly am invited to every month.
Its overnight and I really love the whole experience, my talk is at 6pm and I wanted to leave at the earliest time to get most out of the few days we where there.
9am was my cut off time and my husband’s time management is not quite as specific as mine is, the clock was ticking and I started to notice the anger building up when it was almost 9am and he was not ready, historically I would have started to complain and we would have ended up in a bit of a row.
THIS time, the learning for me was to notice the feelings and ask myself ‘is it worth the argument we might have? to be honest we rarely have arguments, its more of an open forum to discuss our feelings without the injection of huge outbursts.
I decided to take responsibility for my frustration and anger share it in a non-aggressive and non-judgmental way.
We ended up leaving at 9.20am and had an amazing time as a result of my taking control of my reaction.
I realise when we debriefed on the subject it’s a bit fear based and I just don’t want to miss out (bless me) we even had a laugh about it and feel closer as a couple understanding our little idiosyncrasies.
So next time you are feeling any strong emotion, STOP and nice it and follow it through to what the ending might be, you will be amazed if you take responsivity for your reactions how you can change a potentially explosive situation to a real positive one.
I am continuing my theme of ‘What I have learned this week’ and this week is about how commitments can improve our health.
I notice I am resistant to doing this blog because I don’t want to, I LOVE doing my Vlogs as they are so easy and natural for me but writing I dislike, and it seems to be harder.
One of my assets is honouring my commitments,I noticed in the past when I didn’t honour them I often felt and ongoing underlying anxiety which affected many areas of my health.
My sleep was affected, I worried, I felt guilty, shameful, and often angry at myself.
I was told on a workshop on Friday if you don’t add the LinkedIn video by 26th that feature is going to be removed ( The Monday after the weekend)
Following the workshop on ‘tips for LinkedIn’ it came up as the first thing people should do to get noticed quickly. I realised I then had a deadline to make a video this weekend for my LinkedIn profile ( a 30-second video for my profile page).
On weekends I make sure I have large chunks of downtime to ensure I have a healthy and balanced worklife and was super busy with family events.
My weekend was rammed with grandchildren's commitments, fun, and outdoor activities so it felt like there was no time to do this video.
The clock was ticking and I noticed how anxious it was making me knowing I needed to do it yet not seeing any time to fit it in, by Sunday evening I was so tired, unmotivated and unprepared ( my hair was not at its best ) I did not feel I could ‘pull it out of the bag’.
What was my driver was how good I feel when I honour my commitments not only to others but to myself.
So last night I dug really deep, put my make-up on, did my hair and did the deed! It was such a great feeling and I defiantly noticed my anxiety plummet and my joy rise.
It may not be my best video and it’s only 30 seconds long but I really did my best!
If you hover over my profile picture on linked in you will see it’s really ok especially as now you know the back story.
As I conclude my Blog for today ( another commitment honoured) I can go into my week with a calmer and more relaxed mind and body.
The main aim of my weekly vlogs and blogs is to pass on tips I have personally learned to make YOUR life easier.
Why you might ask? well to be honest, if I would have learned and practised some of the suggestions I have given over the years, I could have saved myself a lifetime riddled with anxiety, stress, worry fear doubt and insecurity.
I guess the bottom line is my life would not have been stress free, but I would have felt more resilient and more in control, enabling me to deal with the ups and downs of life in a happier and calmer way.
So how can self-awareness help? By understanding how I respond to situations and how they make me feel, I can more easily adapt my reactions and learn to respond in a healthier and more beneficial way.
By beneficial I mean reducing, or even avoiding the detrimental affects of high levels of stress in my body which are experienced as restlessness, anxiety, lack of concentration, mood swings, erratic sleeping patterns, raised blood pressure, fatigue and often addictive behaviours, shopping, eating alcohol consumption etc.
How can we start to become more self-aware? Start by being an observer of your body and hew it responds to difficult situations, this means we need to practice more presence in the moment.
Building a higher level of self-awareness and presence elevates us from reactive behaviours to responsive one meaning we get to CHOOSE how we respond.
This is the most empowering thing I have ever experienced, the power to choose how I will respond, and it takes dedication, patience and practice but I personally want to be able to live my life in a more serene calmer way.
Research suggest when we can master our emotions we can not only change negative situations into more positive ones but we can increase our levels of self-confidence and self-respect, this changed behaviour can massively improve how we handle life’s challenges.
And finally as Pythagoras once said ( the Greek philosopher) ‘No man is free if he cannot control himself’